How I Became God

 “Come bite me asshole” I taunted.

“It’s your death wish” the drug lord responded.

He pulled up a shotgun and Wham! My chest had a large bloody holes I could easily stick my fingers through. I fell onto the cold, hard floor of the alley. Dying sucks.

I awoke in a bright place ,so bright that I could barely open my eyes. It took me awhile for my eyes to render themselves to the light. I soon came to realise that the holes that were blown into my chest were filled up, as if it was never there in the first place. What kind of doctor could fix this? None. I must be invincible, eat that Jones!

I observed a golden pathway materialise out of thin air and followed it.

The ground was that of a fluffy texture, it felt like I was walking on giant marshmallows, maybe clouds would be more specific.

I beheld the massive gates in front of me, taller than any skyscraper I have ever seen before. It was shiny gold, pampered with excessive exquisite designs. This was something you would expect to see in a paradise.

A man in a robe greeted me.

“I am thee lord.”

“The what now?” I questioned.

“I am God.”

“Dude, stop messing with me old man. How can some man in shags and rags be God? If you could be God, everyone else could” I stated in disbelief.

“Ang Ah Boon?”

“Yeah?”

It dawned on me, how did he know my name?

“Your name isn’t in here”, the man said, pointing to a old, tattered book.

“What does my name not being in that dog-eared book mean?”

“It means you may not enter heaven and you will burn in hell for the rest of eternity. By the way, that dog-eared book of you mentioned, is the BOOK OF LIFE!”

“Ha. What are you going to tell me next? Donald Trump’s autobiography is the book of the dead? Make as many conspiracies as you like old man, no one will believe you.”

The man smirked.

“Mental nutcase”,  I remarked.

“Does this make you believe me?”

Before I could respond, the old man levitated in the air and summoned lightning which struck the ground around me. I jumped, shocked of what was going on.

“Do you believe me now?”

I nodded my head. This man, this old man, was God. I not only met God, but I also mocked him, insulted him.

I was petrified with fear, petrified like as if the chthonic monster Medusa stared at me and I stared back.

“Do you want to know why your name isn’t in the book of life?”

I nodded my head.

“I, the Lord, creator and breather of life, shaped this world like a child would with clay. All I ask in return is devotion and love from the men thy created. You, scum of society, poison of all venom, did not show me any of that! For that, I condemn you to hell!”

“How am I supposed to love something I never knew about until now?”

“Too bad then.”

No, I wouldn’t want to live my days in inferno. I had a plan, a real crazy plan. Here was my last shot.

“What is it? Too scared to fight a mere mortal like me fairly? What a coward, you abuse your powers that clearly no one can rival, I bet you can’t beat anyone without them.” I remarked, out of desperation.

“Why you imbecile! I am the all-knowing God! I do not fear you! I am CREATOR and you are CREATION! You are inferior to me at every level!”

“Clearly I intimidate you.”

“You do not intimidate me. You should be intimidated by me!”

“Whatever you say, you just don’t dare to fight me on an equal ground.”

The Man-God did some kind of yoga and a ball of light came out of his chest and floated up into the air.

“I am a mortal now. Let us fight.”

The now mortal God threw punches in the air, gesturing for me to fight him. He charged right at me but, he did not expect me to whip out a Kimber Solo out of my back pocket. The so-called God looked at me in disbelief. He froze still and for the first time in his life, he felt fear.

Before the man-God could do anything, I aimed my firearm at his head and pulled the trigger. A 9mm bullet penetrated his skull and he perished into dust. I guess he wasn’t as all-knowing as he claimed to be.

The ball of light descended down and plunged into my chest. Suddenly, I felt as if I was the most powerful being in the world. No, the universe! I felt as if I could do everything and anything as I wished.

Before I could think of anything else, another man ascended into the heavens. I conjured a splendid, state-of-the-art robe and put in on.

“Oh my God! Are you Wōden?” the man questioned.

“Yes my child, I am God, the one and only.” I answered.

“So you are Wōden?”

“No, I am Ang Ah Boon.”

“So there is no Wōden?”

“Ah Boon, Wōden, they are all the same. I am known of as many names.”

“Does that mean I get to go to heaven?”

“Why of course my child.”

The fool beamed the entire time as I led him to hell.

Author’s note:

·         The first autobiography of Donald Trump, The Art of the Deal, was first published in 1987. The service of  Kimber custom  guns started in 1997. What does this tell you about when did the series of events of How I Became God take place?

·         A chthonic monster relates to beings that inhabit the underworld such as Medusa.

·         A Kimber Solo is a 45.cal, it is a gun. What does Ryan Matthews owning a gun tell you about his past? How does it relate to his death by a drug lord?

·         Wōden is a Heathenry God, Odin. Relates to Norse myths. Odin is associated with death, knowledge, healing, the gallows, royalty, battle, poetry, sorcery, frenzy and runic alphabet.

Any reference to any religion is to be taken without any offence for it is all in the work of fiction. Whether or not it truly reflects on the identity of God is debatable.